woah, hey, don't read people's diaries! you can read mine though, i guess, i don't control your life.
man is today exhausting!!! i've only been at work for an hour but it is so freaking hot. hot. hot!!!!!!!!!
the weather app on my phone only says 72°f (note to self: google celsius conversion for that and add it in later) but it's so humid that it feels so much worse
i've been brainstorming a pokemon self insert that i'm very excited for, in good news...
i also wanna make a little in-browser miniature visual novel to add to my site, i just had so much fun with the about page yesterday that i wanna make something more story driven!!! with purpose!!!! it's so fun i love it (check out the about page if you haven't yet)
ummmm my coworker was really mean to me today and i feel really bad about it, im not sure what i did to make her dislike me :( i guess i was just too annoying or too clueless about something or other but im just upset because ive tried really hard to be nice to her, at first because i liked her and then after she made me cry by talking shit about me to my boss just because i knew she has a habit of being cruel to people behind their backs and i didn't want that humiliation but i guess it just wasn't good enough?
i feel like im just a really annoying person and i know people being annoyed with me is their fault and not mine because you can't not annoy everyone but it feels really bad beccayse i try so hard i spend all my hours at work putting on an act of a normal guy and it's not enough
but whatever... no one cares about my insecurities
im gonna draw some self inserts today, one for fallen aces and one for pokemon + their partner pokemon (im making a fakemon for them)
i feel really awful
i'm so anxious and dreading going back to work tomorrow, i know that coworker won't be there she has the day off but im just so worried and i really don't want to go at all
i just want to sit in my room and sleep, i feel like this is gonna be one of those nights i tend to have where i get all upset over something and have 30 minutes of kind of crying and it's really pathetic until it stops and i move on
im just so upset it's kind of awful that im letting this affect me so much
you know i would really like to be able to charge my phone but it's OK that it's broken it's literally fine i don't even care *eye twitches*
ok update on the water situation. everything is fine. well i mean it wasn't because there was water freaking everywhere but it was so comical that no one was even all that upset we were doubled over laughing while putting buckets and towels everywhere
the water is all dried up and no damage has been done! so it's all good now
in other news i broke my sleep schedule i keep waking up at 5am... that is not necessary whatsoever
i tried a vegetable yesterday: the chayote. it doesnt taste like a whole lot but its very satisfyingly crunchy and light. it's kind of like a pear or a cucumber in texture but taste-wise it's so flavorless... maybe the one i got wasn't great, maybe it's just like that IDK but i did like it. so that was a success
it's making me think of that one time i had the cucumber lime gatorade and good lird that was delectable. come back to me cucumber lime gatorade
today i got a present: medication withdrawal. i haven't been taking my meds like i should and now i get twitchy lightheaded nausea all day. fuck😍
in good news though i read a thing i really liked so expect a review of it in the blog soon maybe???? ive been meaning to write so many blog posts omfg
tbh it's kind of extra but i want to make custom emojis for me to use on my site ... to match the color palette better
i literally just added to this but i want to add more. i just remembered that i posted an oc writing on ao3 a while back and i can upload it to manuscripts today........... maybe just maybe that'll make the idea of blog posting less daunting and i'll actually write something
broke my tributes page on accident don't look at that
MY HOUSES WATER PIPES ECPLODED
hi everyone
im eating chicken sandwiches for breakfast. theyre really good but like also kind of gross?
ughhh i kind of hate summertime its becoming increasingly obvious that i never update the site unless i take my medication and i dont take my medication unless i have work and my work schedule is inconsistent as hell so basically i am fucked
but its ok... its fine.
i'm about 90% sure that im getting paid today thank fuck for that, i finallh got the paperwork given to me so now im on the payroll. what a beautiful world it is... money.... save me money
ummm i had other stuff but i forgot. oh yeah ok i want to change the tributes page because i just made one for the first time but i dont like how it looks on mobile and since i update the site mostly on mobile that's like... ok its getting changed basically. it'll just be a little more annoying but it's honestly whatever
ummmm ok i think that's it bye
please be nice to minimum wage workers i don't have a whple lot to live for and if you cuss me out because the store isn't open it will not make it open faster it will just make me wanna kms
i'm gonna start on my photo diary today... well when i get home obviously my shift is halfway done but i'm gonna need to 1. crop my photos and 2. compress them into jpegs because there'll be so so so much load time if i don't can you even imagine
also my hands are incredibly sticky rn from flowers petunias are so gorgeous but omfg dude you'd think dead flowers would be dry not devilishly moist
i don't get paid this week theres nothing left for me in this world
maaaan i'm having a not-so-good morning, like it's actually fine i just really. really miss my friends
which doesn't even really make sense because we're still friends. i still talk to them
but it doesn't feel the same anymore.
and it's even more nonsensical because it's my fault. i'm the one who pulls away from everyone and doesn't ever talk to people, i'm the one who never messages and doesn't start conversations or even try anymore. it's my fault entirely. i'm so jealous to see everyone talking together like normal but it's so unreasonable of me to feel jealous because there's no reason to assume they don't still like me! they're just closer with each other than me now because i don't ever try...
and it feels kinda bad. i wish i didn't suck.
okay i kind of feel better now. nothing got fixed but it's good to talk about it. hopefully this diary will help me over time!
today i had work. it was fine. i'm finally on the payroll so my next paycheck is gonna be big cause it's the accumulation of the last 2 weeks' worth of work. hooray for money!
my co-workers um... albert and patty (fake names i just made up) were there today. they're a married couple and i love them. they're total opposites.
this mountain dew tastes like doodoo. dislike